“A joy that’s shared is a joy made double.” Proverb

The content in this archive is collected from freely submitted stories by individuals worldwide.
Due to the nature of submissions, all are unique, often unexpected and always unrated.

This website does not engage in vigorous spell checking nor does it have an intangible marriage with grammar.
Besides the point of unsubstantial funding, this website is about a sense of ease. That means little worry – for all of us.

If the odd “butt” instead of “but” is too much for you to handle then we’re sorry you’re anal. :3

This website intends to provide enjoyment with the most pleasant or otherwise unique reading material around.
We hope, if that isn’t enough – that you may enjoy the opportunity in sharing your own story.

A sincere thank you to everyone who visits. Wishing you a stress-free day and longevity. – KCR Staff. <3


| Shelf-ish.

To the woman in the grocery store(where I work) who pretended to look at something on the shelf just so she could set her empty Timmie’s cup there and act like she forgot it: I saw you!


| Knock Knock.

Just had a full safety meeting about proper usage of doors. I shit you not.


| Temper Tips.

I work in a food industry. I was washing my hands at a sink as a customer approached my display counter. “Give me this!” the customer stated without delay. “I’ll be there in just a moment” I replied. “I want this NOW!” they demanded. I weighed up their food and they went to jolt off without their merchandise. I reminded them they were leaving their product behind – I suppose they thought I’d follow them to the cash register? They snapped their food away and went off. I watched them head up to a till and by chance noticed they dropped a dollar after their transaction. I seemed to be the only one who noticed this. Perhaps this was a subconscious tip from the temper man. It got myself a coffee the next morning *\0/*

Anonymous, Canada.

| Repeat

I work at a supermarket. Obviously pages are a common thing. The odd time I’ll page: “Repeat page” after someone says something over the intercom. I’ll even do this a second or third time prompting them to state their page over and over. Usually after people repeat them self twice more they get the hang of it. It’s simply a joke! I find it amusing.


Toilet Time.

I like to pee on company time.
Even if it’s only 15 minutes until my lunch break or the end of my shift, I’ll ask my supervisor if I can run quickly up to the bathroom.
So I can pee on company time.


ass-teroid >_<

So the boss man at work says I could leave at 1am so I can go and get some good shots of the meteors as long as I finish these two jobs. (1am being 2 hours worked) so I did 3.5 hours of work in under 2 hours.
Guy changes his mind to 4 hours and I didn’t get enough pictures to do what I wanted. What a dick face.


| Toilet Text

That moment you find a coworker contact on your phone you forgot you had and you read the last conversation which mentioned using the washroom(at work) and feeling as though you’re in labour. ..No wonder that chat went dry. :[


| The Smoking man.

Seriously if you could NOT “vape” at my service counter that would be great! (~.^)


| Lead astray lines

Apparently “Take a number from the post behind you.” is extremely confusing. Though ironically it never seems to fail when one single person wants something from the service counter! :/


| Kindness registered.

When you’ve been swamped with demanding customers and are feeling hurried, and you haven’t had a moment to clear the desk, and the next customer says, “Take your time. I’m in no hurry.”


| Fin-icky!

I recently worked a shift in seafood. ..It took me a while to learn the scales.

Kyle O’Connor, Huntsville Ontario

| No news is good news.


While at work I checked for mail for my department three times. Each time slightly surprised as to how there was nothing. A little while after my third attempt a light-switch went off — It was Saturday!


| Know thystaff


I used to do the social media work for my organization, and never had any complaints. Then a new director took over, and she insisted on taking over the social media work. She told me, ‘But you can continue to do what you do.’ Um … what? No thanks. I quit working on the social media site, and now the organization can’t understand why it’s gone to crap.


| Damned-ruff


You know that age-old concept of placing near empty bottles upside down to get the last of it’s remnants? Well I did that once with lubriderm – though meaning to use it up I let it sit out uncovered.. for days. When I got around to it I used up the last bit of the moisturizer from a container I had below the bottle, applied it to my face and left for work. I was surprised to see on my first break(four hours into the shift) that the cream had dried up in what looked like rolled flakes. IT LOOKED LIKE MY FACE HAD DANDRUFF!



Why is human hibernation not a thing??

A quick note here from the Admin.

This entry is something I got in October. Perfect timing, really. It’s just starting to get cold and it’s been a busy summer. Adulating is tiring. Wouldn’t you just love to hibernate? I’d love to retire! 😀 – Kyle ♥


| Bare it!


Switched from days to nights. Apparently housekeeping wasn’t informed because they got some full frontal when I walked out of my bathroom today…


| FOUR the record..

Four Types of Customers That We Hate (…just so you know)

The customer who says they’re a friend of the owner.
So what? Do you think he gives his friends a discount or something?

The customer who lets her kid run rampant throughout the store, pulling things off hangers, making a huge mess, and thinks it’s “cute”.
It’s not.

The customer who walks up to the fitting room five minutes before close with an armful of clothes.
Sure. No worries. I have nothing better to do than stand around waiting for you on my own time. I stopped getting paid at close.

The customer who wants to haggle over the prices.
This isn’t Turkey, you know!

The customer who spills the coffee they brought in with them and doesn’t say anything … just leaves the mess. Also the customer who walks through the mess, tracking coffee all over the department, also not saying anything.
Jeez, people!


| Three year old paycheque

I once was going through old pay stubs for what reason I don’t even remember. Somehow I stumbled upon a pretty old paycheck to a place I no longer even worked at. I was a little worried the bank might not accept it, but much to my luck they did! 😮


| A uniform joke.


My husband used to work as a police officer. I used to enjoy routinely teasing him and calling his uniform a costume.



..This wouldn’t be the first website to ask for donations.

WEBSITE COST: $4,994.60
BUSINESS INCOME: $0.00 << Yes, literally.


Donations can be made by clicking menu and scrolling down. 😉 🙂

You might notice there’s no ads on this website.

Ads are a future plan, but currently there aren’t any – though they are in the works.
Keep Calm & Retire is new and as such Google AdSense would not allow myself to register with them because the website had too few views(is the grandest assumption – it was a “bot” that determined for months this website not be accepted).

Some might be surprised to know this website cost about five-thousand dollars. The website still isn’t entirely paid off and this tiny business has not made a single cent since it’s registration(Yep, literally!). If you really enjoy this website or feel good about it’s potential/the direction it’s going, feel free to make a donation to help things accelerate faster(or just feel good inside) 😛

Kyle O’Connor – KCR creator.

| Am I crazy?

I once bought a straitjacket with my vacation pay.


| Question if your stress is justified.

I had a customer seem let down today. Quietly annoyed.

“That’s not shaved, is it?” “Ohh. woops!” I reply. She’s holding it. “I can redo that if you like.” “No that’s okay” is the response”. Really I can redo that if you want. She just looks blankly annoyed and walks away ignoring my second attempt to correct a small problem. I just want people to think. If the adversity or problem of your day is sliced meat instead of shaved that probably means you live a nice life. There are people who pray to find their missing children. People who pray to survive cancer. People who pray to eat anything each day. The list goes on and on. So please, lighten the up!

My manager quickly redid her food though, gave it a discount and went and tracked her down. I’m not sure this was needed, but I’m glad he wants people happy.

“100grams”, “200grams”, “250grams”, ‘500grams”, “a quarter pound”, “half a pound”, “one pound”, “one slice”, “two slices”, “three slices”, “four slices”, ..”ten slices”, “about five dollars worth”. Plus “shaved”, “thin sliced”, “sliced”, and on and on.
All day long. Think about that, please. There is reason that we “forget” things or figures or statements “clash” in our minds. There’s not much helping it. So please be kind. And if there’s ever a small slip in something, anything that someone does for you. Ask yourself. Is this really adversity to myself? Is this grudge justified?


| Yes, you’re next.


What’s the deal with “taking a number” when you’re second in line and there’s no one else behind you? I mean seriously!


| Just so you know

Just so you know … when you treat retail workers badly, you become a joke. You become that “idiot” we laugh about with our friends. We make fun of you as we tell the story over and over again. So next time you want to yell at a retail worker, imagine them repeatedly mocking what you’re about to say, ’cause that will be your legacy.


| Still not specific

All the time working in the deli. *customer selects their meat*. Me: “Okay would you like that sliced or shaved?” *customer* “Um it’s for sandwiches”. My thoughts: “Really!? I figured this was for a pack of wolves or the family dog. Now that we’ve excluded those two common things I always otherwise assume by default I can still proceed to ask if that’ sliced or shaved!”


| Rusty Resume

Like many people I’ve used the same resume for years and just gave it a bit of an update the few times I needed it again. It actually took myself about seven years to realize that I had spelled a managers last name wrong.



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