| Squint sequel. (>.<)

Okay, I’ve had enough of the Christmas music at work. I was trying to count my till tonight while ‘The Twelve Days of Christmas’ was playing. ♪♫ 10 lords a’ leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a’ milking … ♪♫ Do you know how many times I had to start over?!

Anonymous. Austin, Texas.

| Lost and Found.

You know what’s better than finding a $20 bill on the floor at work? Finding the owner of that $20 bill.

I was walking across the department and there it was, a $20 bill lying on the floor. There was no one around, so I scooped it up and slipped it into my pocket, thinking there’s a free dinner this evening.

Then a few minutes later, an elderly woman approached me and asked if anyone had found a $20 bill. When I pulled it out of my pocket and handed it to her, the joy on her face was a wonderful thing to see. And she wrapped me in a big hug too, which made my day.

A free dinner would have been nice. But that encounter was priceless!



..This wouldn’t be the first website to ask for donations.

WEBSITE COST: $4,994.60
BUSINESS INCOME: $0.00 << Yes, literally.


Donations can be made by clicking menu and scrolling down. 😉 🙂

You might notice there’s no ads on this website.

Ads are a future plan, but currently there aren’t any – though they are in the works.
Keep Calm & Retire is new and as such Google AdSense would not allow myself to register with them because the website had too few views(is the grandest assumption – it was a “bot” that determined for months this website not be accepted).

Some might be surprised to know this website cost about five-thousand dollars. The website still isn’t entirely paid off and this tiny business has not made a single cent since it’s registration(Yep, literally!). If you really enjoy this website or feel good about it’s potential/the direction it’s going, feel free to make a donation to help things accelerate faster(or just feel good inside) 😛

Kyle O’Connor – KCR creator.

| Concerning Close.

I once closed the building with a coworker. Everyone else had left for the night. We’re finishing cleaning among other tasks and suddenly we began to hear concerning noises. Inside the building on our own, dark outside, partly dark inside things seemed rather creepy or somewhat unsettling to say the least. I can’t speak for my coworker, but I feel it’s a safe bet to say we’re both tripping out. Thinking things like: “Are those gun shots?” Or: “Is some one on the roof/breaking in?” Suddenly my coworker makes a reliving realization. “You know what? It’s fireworks! It’s Canada day!” And yes it certainly was. I’m definitely glad we didn’t phone 911 about the towns sympathy for celebrating our country. Θ_Θ


| Time to clock out.

I was at work and my manager stayed around longer than their scheduled shift. They were helping me with tasks: ringing people in, cleaning up. All those things. Finally I asked them if they were ready to ring their own things in which they had placed aside for the end of their shift. Their reply was they would do that when their shift was over – which had been the plan, though the shift had ended a good bit ago. I sighted this and they refuted. Finally they realized. Their watch had died near the end of their shift! You can rely on time for some things, though dead watches aren’t so useful.


| Stolen identity.

A friend of mine once came by for a visit. For some reason they took to my work name tag laying on the table and decided to place it on just to be silly. They placed it on their sweater and we continued the night playing dominoes and drinking coffee. Later on I texted another friend who was also at the table and sighted how they were still wearing it, likely forgetting/unaware. What’s funny is that by the end of the night – we forgot too! Before we knew it our friend took off, and they left with my name tag. It wasn’t until later that day they were surrounded by family members at a family function that they noticed, and that’s only because others inquired about their new “name”. 😀


| Tip-sy.

It was a Saturday evening and I had just come home from school to pick up a shift at the Pub I had worked at prior to moving away. The week before had been long and tiring between the assignments, tests and fitness classes I had to accomplish. The group of nine that had been there for a while were just starting to clear out. After two hours of chaos with them, my brain was starting to fry. One of the elderly ladies that had been among the group, was in the middle of giving me words of praise for my “excellent service” when she held out her hand, fist closed, wrist down. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it was that she wanted. So what did I do? I panicked, and proceeded to bump her tiny fist with my own. I’m sure we both wore looks of confusion at the point, especially when the relatives she had showed up with started to howl with laughter. It turns out she was NOT trying to give me props for my good work, but in fact was attempting to give me a tip. With my face burning red, I apologized profusely before taking the change she dropped in my hand then quickly making my escape into the back. It wasn’t until after the whole ordeal that I realized that my co worker had been watching the whole scene from the back.

Sarah Moyer. Kearney, Ontario, Canada.

| Quality, not quantity.

I once filled in a shift in another department. Not a big deal. Same scales just a different product. So long as you crunch in the right numbers for the product – everything is done for you. You just have to hit print. That said it’s not exactly necessary to look and see what the scale is telling you. Well five hours into my shift(and one hour before close) I was serving a woman, looked at the scale and saw the price of the product(in which she had more than one) and then saw each. Typically every single item in my own department is sold by weight(aside from one, single product!). I found myself instantly fumed(secretly). Several times that night I had priced out peoples fish and in instances they had more than one piece they were charged for only the first one. Luckily fish priced by piece rather than weight only represented approximately three of nine products so not every single item was wrongly priced the entire night, but I looked back and while it’s difficult to recall which items it was for – I certainly had people that night “add on” pieces to their order. I truly think some people noticed my rookie mistake and took advantage of the situation. Not a single person addressed my error in any way. Whether any purposeful exploitation was used at all – I felt as though people played me for a fool, but sometimes that’s how we learn. :'(

Kyle O’Connor. Huntsville, Ontario.

| One-piece boot bandit. (special administration story)

A quick note here from the Admin.

The following is something I dug up from pre-website era. I absolutely love this website, but even before then – I loved the concept!

I tracked this old Facebook post down to share with you all. I love collecting stories, and well this is sort of a story of my beginning phase of collecting stories. It might not be the grandest thing you ever read, but I hope you enjoy. – Kyle ♥

So I got myself into a store today just looking around to see what there is. Near the cash register I happen to overhear a conversation that caught my interest. A salesperson telling a customer who’s likely a friend of someone being discovered stealing a boot from there. Yes a single boot! but also coming back again later to steal the other boot! Many might know my knack for constant never-ending humor. Sure stealing isn’t cool, but I lit up inside sighting amusement of the single-boot bandit. Some time passed as I looked around and I come up to the till some ten minutes later. I want so badly to bring up the conversation I heard, but anxiety held me back. This was potentially confidential information, the sales person now had an obvious higher-up associate beside them too. So now there were two people I’d be speaking to about this if I were to bring it up, and perhaps the one could get into trouble for my having overheard the matter. We finish the transaction and my ability to bring this up is sliding. I told myself you can say this now or the opportunity is gone forever. And so then I said it. I brought it up. A major reason I yearned to speak of this was due to my passionate interest and association with stories of the workplace. Luckily for me we actually began speaking of the one-piece boot bandit and as the conversation flowed I pulled out my wallet and drew out the last remaining business card I had. “I’m sorry guys, I just absolutely had to bring this up!” I began mentioning as I slid the card across the counter. And there I preached for minutes my upcoming website and certain future: Keep Calm & Retire. My voice flooded with excitement speaking of my soon coming website which archives stories of the workplace. I was fulfilled to witnessed wonderful interest in my creation I spoke of. Passion is a perfect seller and I have plenty of it. While I intend of this website & book series to be my future job – it is before anything a hobby and passion. Something I shall never let rest. That is of course ..until I retire 😉 😀 (y)

Kyle O’Connor. Huntsville, Ontario.

| Hacked? Or just your everyday hack?

Had a meeting at work. Logged into my Google account prior to the meeting to access some resources. Meeting proceeded, and yeah, it was a pretty good meeting, and yeah, I’d go for lunch shortly after. Not too shabby. Feeling pretty good.

Next day comes, I go to log into my account and I find that my first and last name were distinctly not mine, so much so that I immediately came to the conclusion I’d been hacked!? Just why had they not changed my password, though? Illuminati? Prankster? Had I entered into a fugue state?

I ran down the possibilities, and realized that I had not logged out of the meeting room, and someone had changed my first and last name inadvertently. My inner J Walter Weatherman came forth, “and that’s why you don’t forget to logout.”


| A slip of the tongue.

I was working a shift in the deli and someone phoned with interest of placing an order for a sandwich tray. They mentioned it was for a funeral(probably due to a time constraint). “Okay” I say, as I grab a binder to go through the trays with them. I began naming off the trays available to them, naming them aloud. “All wrapped up”, “Gourmet baguette sandwich platter..”  Keep in mind I’m simply naming trays as I flip past them. As I’m doing this I suddenly bit my tongue after reading “game night” which I immediately realized sounded rather unfitting for it’s use. I immediately hoped this would slip and go uncaught. They replied right away: “No, this is for a funeral.” I knew that. My bad. Sorry!

Kyle O’Connor. Huntsville, Ontario.

| Fluent.

A coworker of mine was serving a Chinese man who was accompanied by his wife, both whom were speaking Chinese. I noticed and was totally impressed by how remarkable the gentlemen spoke to another employee of mine. I withheld commenting how impressed I was for some time, and then decided I may as well compliment him as he deserves.

ME: “You speak VERY GOOD English!” I said.

CUSTOMER: “ME!? ..I have been living here for thirty-six years!”

I somehow immediately felt embarrassed(a bit). It just goes to show that we can’t ever just assume things. What makes it worse(or funnier) is that I had made that compliment distinctly loud and clearly pronounced. :/

Kyle O’Connor. Huntsville, Ontario.

| You got served.

A while ago I worked at an ice cream place. One day we had finished a shift. We had closed at ten. Well a child came up to the window alone and asked if he could have an ice cream cone. It seemed like a sweet gesture to do. Especially in that moment. And so we tended that child. Remarkably a couple of families came around from a blind spot of our left as we tended the child(they were with) prompting us the awkward situation of having to serve them!


| 1-2-4.

I was working in the deli and had a summer cold. My thinking was ridiculously hindered that day. It’s truly amazing how much a cold can impair our cognitive performance. I had caught myself trying to fit a frozen bag of fruit into my cupboard earlier that morning when I made my smoothie. I had caught myself going to place my almond milk into my locker instead of the staff fridge at work. Well someone purchased kielbasa from me and last moment as I went to bag it up they asked if I could cut it up into four pieces. Well wouldn’t you know that I found myself confused the second I touched the knife against it. I was literally stalling trying to figure out how to cut this piece of meat into four equal pieces. Here’s the embarrassing part. I made my cuts and then soon noticed I actually cut it into three pieces instead of four! 😲 the customer(a father) – and his daughter could clearly see the mistake I made. I knew without a doubt this mistake was caused by my cold, but due to the type of service I was working in, and being their food I did not want to sight the cause of my ailment, and so I just awkwardly said: “sorry, I can’t count today!” And proceeded to mention that I hear numbers all day – that they clash and so on. The gentlemen was totally relaxed about it. Thank god he was easygoing. I quickly told the story to my coworkers as we sliced meat across from each other, laughing aloud at least a few times over as I told the story and repeated the moment in my head. “seriously.. Who can’t count to four!?” I stated in roar xD

Kyle O’Connor, Huntsville Ontario.

| Odd comment.

A gentlemen wanted pepperoni. About one pound. I asked him if he wanted a chunk, or sliced. He actually told me. “What do you think my a** is? …a piggy bank!?”

I never truly understood his meaning behind that comment. :/


| A Clip for the Store Security Blooper Reel.

It had been a long day ~ let’s blame it on that.
I was serving a customer, had accepted her money and slammed the cash drawer shut. When I reached over to bag her purchase, I discovered that I couldn’t move. I’d caught the hem of my jacket in the cash drawer. I tugged at it but it wasn’t coming out. I sheepishly admitted to the customer, “I’m stuck.”
Now any rational-thinking person would simply have hit the “No Sale” key to re-open the drawer and free herself, but not this gal. I proceeded to pull one arm out of my jacket, then pirouette prettily and pull the other arm out. When I turned back to the customer with a triumphant grin, she was looking at me with a look of bemusement mixed with pity.
Another clip for the store security “blooper reel”.


| Spreading It Around.

Four of us were talking in the back room at work, sharing stories of the terrible customers we’d served that day. One generally easy-going woman said of her customer, “I wanted to punch her right in the face!” As we commented about the unusual number of awful customers in one day, a thought occurred to me: what if we had all encountered the same unpleasant person? So I described the woman who’d given me such a hard time. Sure enough, each of the others recognized her as their terrible customer. This one woman had left a trail of annoyance and frustration throughout almost every department in the store!